This is a short story from the collection ‘Route 666 Revisited’. The subjective theme of the volume is the confessional, and that objective the so-called ‘culture wars’. Enjoy!
No one knows how many people died during the great rewrite. For that matter, many today claim that there in fact were no casualties, none at all. Either way, things settled down after one hot summer of introspection, where mature persons took a good hard long look at themselves and found, wonder of wonders, that they liked what they saw after all.
It’s been long enough that we, the editors of your beloved Monthly Mass have managed to cobble together, after some years of archival research, the most authentic-to-scene account of what actually happened all those years ago. Of course, when you read the following dramatization, the reader should always keep in mind that no one can know with utter certainty the origins of this great awakening, and correspondingly, we can know only with a register of veridicity the outcomes, from our own perspective, in the here and now. That being said, the burnt-out churches of our vintage predecessors, and indeed, yet would-be rivals also to one another, contained special spaces, no doubt sacred to their respective flocks, wherein we found diary entries, official documents, news clippings, word lists, to-do manifestos and other such sundry records from the actual time of the rewrite. We commended all of these fragile artifacts to our staff writer in residence, John G.R. Paul, and he has come up with what we think you will find to be a lively, but also true-to-life, accounting of the key events that precipitated what all of us today take for granted.
With that introduction, let’s read on together and travel back in time to a period where nothing could be taken as a given, and where the enemies of decent language and indeed, decent thought, still reigned uncontested by the righteous. A word of warning; to maintain the veracity of such a dramatization, which must forever also be understood as in the end, a mere educated fiction, vocabulary that one might still hear on an elementary school playground will appear from time to time…
“Hey, look at this! There’s an extra youth group meeting like, tonight.”
“Oh, fuck me, you’ve got to be kidding.” Beth’s younger sister was the one with the mouth. She herself held her breath, wondering if one or the other of their parents would suddenly appear. It had happened before now.
“Keep it down, sis, really.”
“Go to heaven, sister.”
“Thanks for looking up rather than the other way.”
“God’s going to send you right back here, you know that. As soon as He finds out I’m related to you.” Beth now smiled a little. Youth Pastor Albion did have a sense of humor, and was pretty good with young people after all was said and done. He never disciplined them, unlike parents in the congregation, and he never spoke harshly. A true Christian, one might say. Beth sighed and reached an arm down to where her sister was seated. Callie took it and thereby hauled herself up off the Spring grass.
“Tonight, huh?”
“Mind if I quote myself? ‘Fuck me’.”
“Look, I don’t want to have to join you over the far end of the couch later on, okay? My gods, I’m sixteen.”
“Like it’s okay for me at fourteen then.”
“Callie, please. Did I say that it was okay? Look, if you’re serious about growing up so that we don’t get treated like we’re little kids, then let’s do something.”
“What kind of ‘something’, sis? From the little anyone tells me about life, it’s better not to do or say anything at all. Pretend you don’t even exist. Gods, what I would do if I could, right?” Beth knew that feeling well. It was like some kind of volcano, rumbling, shuddering, ready to blow its stack but for some reason whatever nature had placed as a cap on top of it wasn’t having any of it. Albion had counseled them both on this issue of issues. Hormones? Well, one can always jill off after dark, under the covers, with a pillow underneath and another one stuffed half into your mouth so that no one heard anything. No real problem there. No, it wasn’t about that at all. Besides, she and baby sis were hardly strangers in bed to one another, even though that was truly living on the edge. Apropos, Callie now grabbed her mentor in all things and gave her a sincere kiss. They held each other for just long enough to note that they needed to break it up.
“You know, with all this stuff about evil people hiding their messages in songs, right? Well, maybe there’s other places they’re doing it.”
“Uh, what in the fuck are you talking about, you sexy mutt.”
“Callie! Quit it, like now. We’re going to get killed. It won’t just be the belt if mom and dad find out about us, like us, right?”
“Thanks for treating me as a real part of your family, sis, but it looks like I need to remind you that I’m adopted. We’re not sisters, in other words. We’re lovers. Way better.” It was better. Sure, uh-huh. Beth couldn’t have imagined any of this in her wildest dreams when, four years ago, Callie had washed up on their front doorstep, one garbage bag full of her life possessions, tears in her eyes, and yet also an unspeakable gratitude. Being disciplined even as often as was Callie seemed a small price to pay for everything else she’d been belatedly blessed with. And two years later they had found themselves naked with one another, and fallen for each other head over heels, or rather, heels over head, Beth recalled it with an inner smirk. But more important than any of that, falling in love. To quote her sister, Beth uttered a silent ‘fuck me’ to herself before pushing off her. For now, at least.
“Tonight though. Promise?”
“Promise.” They would ramp up their romp, sometimes even in front of others who simply complimented them on how ‘good’ they were with one another. It added to the charade that the people at church directed their munificence to their parents, telling them what a ‘good’ job they’d done with the pair of them, since they were so ‘close’. Sure, what the world doesn’t know. Close, uh-huh, that we are. All for one and one for all.
“Okay, so yeah, if you had me over a barrel – and who knows, that might be the next great thing dad installs in the basement or the woodshed – I would like to put an end to childhood. So if you’ve got an idea, fire away.”
“Callie, there’s nothing in either the cellar or the shed, give me a break.”
“Have you been out there? And when was the last time you’ve been taken down to the cellar?” It had been a while. Less so for Callie, Beth was well aware of that. But after all, I’m not the one who runs my mouth off in public, am I?
“There’s still nothing down there. Just a chair. Big deal.”
“A straight back chair and a nasty old bath brush.”
“Look, I don’t like it any more than you do. So, are you going to actually listen to me for once, or do I have to get naked and jump all over you just to hold your attention?”
“That’d do it.” One of those pauses. “Okay, okay, I’m listening”
“All right, finally. Okay, remember when Josh and James were playing those older outsider records for us?”
“Fuck that, sis. It’s just music. Have you any idea how many copies of those albums have been sold? We’re the outsiders.”
“Okay, yeah, I know, I know. Anyways, so when they played them backwards, right?”
“Yeah, big deal. I bet anything you do that with is going to have some weird words coming out of it. It’s just part of like, how the ear attunes itself to hearing words. You hear what you want to hear.”
“Not like that. It gave me the creeps. Real chills, like, up and down my spine.”
“You do that to me all the time.”
“I don’t mean like that. Stay on task. Gods, it’s no wonder dad whips you once a week at least. You’re just so…”
“What? Annoying? Thanks for the solidarity, ‘sister’, dear.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I hate it when it happens to you, and I feel hugely guilty because I hardly ever get it anymore. But hence this, right? Just listen to me.”
“We’ve got less than an hour until the ‘special edition’ of youth group, on Thursday of all nights. Reminds me of football.”
“Oh, so did you want to eat something first then?” Probably so, Beth nodded agreement as Callie had made for the front door, cutting a far finer figure than when she had first crossed its ambiguous threshold. Beth had a moment in which to admire her fictive sister’s rear view, perky and perfect, and also no doubt in part why its owner found herself unable to sit down for a time each week. Beth herself had often wanted to give it at least one good hard swat from time to time as Callie really was impossible. Impossibly adorable too, but that just made things worse. But their parents weren’t all bad. Mom had explained that kids needed to evolve a pretty strong attitude to survive foster care. Huh, no doubt. Beth now straggled in behind. I hate that too, but you know what, my love for her will cure all of that in time. It’s only been two years since we’ve really gotten together, and because it all has to be done on the sly, it has to be a slow burn. But when I move out and get my own little place, sis can simply come and stay with me most nights. Mom and dad need time together as well. Oh, shit, speaking of which…
“So girls, the summer Bible camp registration has opened up. It’s been a blessing, hasn’t it, that from the start you’ve both been in the same age bracket?”
“Absolutely a blessing.” Beth concurred. Callie was by now foraging in the kitchen and Mom, as usual, was trying to intervene by preparing food for the both of them first, before either of her daughters could lift a finger. That was another problem. Oh, here it comes:
“The Lord be praised. Separated at birth. Like the sacred sisters of Gomorrah, reunited by the grace of grace, saved from the purging, burning pillars of fire, Elizabeth and Calliope, together forever.” Beth now held her breath. Mom was now digging through the back of the fridge and perhaps she didn’t hear any of it.
“Calliope?” She now hissed at Callie, who grinned her almost wicked grin in return. Does she like being whipped? I sure don’t. That said, it’s been seven months for me, a new world record for sure. Maybe I’m entirely done with that now. But I need to do something for my beloved sister, speaking of salvation.
“Okay, girls. So you get to choose, of course. Do you want the first two weeks of July, or the last two, or the same choice in August?”
“Not, uh, twice, though.” Beth attempted a clarification.
“Oh, uh, no, but if you wanted…”
“Uh, we don’t.” Callie almost spat this out, but the direction of the spittle was apparently with the wind this time.
“No, of course I didn’t mean that, but it is summer, girls, and you must feel a little cooped up inside, or even in our little town. Besides, there’s boys aplenty at the camps, a chance to start to learn how to be with them, in a healthy manner.”
“Would you and dad be like, really broken up if there were no grandkids later on.” Beth had to ask. Besides, it was a way to let mom know that on the one side, there were to be no ‘issues’ about boys. This alone would only heighten their parent’s status at the church; such ‘well-raised’ daughters, that sort of thing.
“Why ever would you say such a thing? But no, of course not. We hope at least you, Elizabeth, will be a mother someday, but there’s certainly no rush. That was, by the way, my meaning when I just said ‘healthy’.”
“I think we get it, mom. But I’m talking about like, ever.”
“Oh, well, life changes us, my dear girl. Look at Callie here. Close to becoming a lovely young woman. Such a transformation from when you first came to us, sweetheart.”
“So can I stop being punished then? A woman, wow, I never knew. Did you catch that, sis? I think I need to look in the mirror, maybe strip off just to be sure. Will you help me, my beloved sacred sister of the ages?” To this Beth half-glared at her kid sister, trying to warn to her to back off. If dad had been present there would have been a reaction, speaking of ‘issues’. But mom brushed it off like she hadn’t even been paying attention.
“We only judge the both of you on your actual behavior. Look at Elizabeth now, it’s been what, months and months. So long that I can’t hardly recall the last time.”
“In some families we know that alone would be an excuse.” Beth had to say that, risqué as it might have been. Now Callie stuck her tongue out at her. I do love that tongue of hers. I can’t ever, ever get enough of it. It’s like some kind of addiction, some kind of mysterious force that overcomes anything in its path. My gods. Tonight, for sure. I love you, sis. I really do. And fuck me if I don’t need you too.
“I think we’re a lot more fair than some of our co-parishioners. Not that it’s any of our business of course.” Mom duly replied. The lunch plates were now assembled. Beth realized, and not for the first time, that she and Callie needed to put an end to far more than just discipline. In fact, taking responsibility for the other stuff would very likely take care of the singular problem that Callie, especially, was regularly faced with.
“Mom, from now on we can make our own lunch. It is summer, as you just said, and my gosh I’m sixteen now. Dinner too, if you and dad want to have a night on the town.”
“That makes me laugh, Elizabeth. This town? Oh, you must have meant drive into the city, I suppose. Well, yes, that would be nice. So, Callie, you see your sister is where you want to be. If you behaved like her, including minding your imaginative editorials, I think you would find your father out of your hair far more often than not.” So, mom had been listening. Well of course she had. She had waited for her moment, as she always did. Mom was smart that way, choosing the best time to make her point. Beth was slowly realizing that in their community, seemingly run in every way by men, that women of all ages had to choose their moment. But since the grown women were so good at doing just that, the actual affairs of the church and its attendant institutions would never happen at all without their say-so. And for that matter, in the family as well. Men could take the credit, publicly declare themselves to be in charge, but it didn’t actually work like that at all. How about that, Beth mused. Hmm, maybe there’s something else lurking just underneath that dynamic as well. How many women in the church had lesbian tendencies? No, ridiculous. But maybe not. Anyways, times change. Our time is yet to come. Later on:
“Let’s just get it over with, huh?”
“So you want to head out next week then?”
“Why the fuck not? Its two weeks where there’s no chance of a sore butt.”
“Good point. But last summer Claire…”
“That was because her mom showed up at the camp, remember? The counselor phoned home and she drove three hours just to kill her with the hairbrush.” So it was. Beth stared into space for a moment, recalling how she had comforted her impetuous best friend after that disaster. So yeah, sis is right about camp. They would phone if you were a huge brat, but otherwise nothing of that sort, unlike other churchy camps she’d heard about at the jamborees. Okay then. Beth registered them both on-line. Just enough time between a very late lunch and the meeting to go to, and they were out the door, Beth behind the wheel of something that really shouldn’t have even been allowed on the road. But as usual, it just made her sister guffaw. She laughed at the engine starting, she laughed at the lurching motion as Beth got it under way, she laughed her more menacing laughter when her older sister bore down on some hapless pedestrian or cyclist, the steering being what it was, and she laughed at all those in the church parking lot who stared at them, rolling and thundering into the place. Something named after a solar phenomenon, whatever. It was older than mom; that was all one needed to know.
“What exactly is that thing?” There were by now no marques or nameplates on the rear of the vehicle, so Beth just shrugged at Claire, who was awaiting their arrival outside the youth entrance.
“It runs.” Was the response. They embraced, Beth making sure that her best friend knew that she loved her too and would go to the wall for her if it ever came to that. Yes, that camp last summer had some fireworks. Beth had actually and royally cursed out Claire’s mom to her face for what she had done to her daughter. It had been the only time she’d ever felt like hitting someone. Even all those times when she herself had been hit, she had brushed it off. It was a matter of two days or so and then it was like it had never happened. Of course, I’m a little more muscular back there than either Claire or, god knows, Callie, who should be in ballet. That’s a huge laugh right there, though, she’d be kicked out of the first class before it even ended.
“Hey Clarence. Still a virgin?”
“Shut up, Callie. Will you be standing up for our meeting tonight?”
“Come on guys, please, for me. Just try to get along, will you? Look, Claire, there’s Josh, and he looks pretty cute this evening.”
“Beth, give it a break. I’m not into him. Not at all.” Beth gave her friend a look that said ‘bullshit’ but left it alone after that. Yeah, her mom. I hate her. But she’s a single parent so I get it. Claire’s not the nicest kid in the flock, that’s for sure. But that’s a major reason why I love her. She’s got guts. And yes, Callie’s a smart cookie, intuiting that Claire, of all people, should still be waiting to get laid. Hard to believe, that. But I need to reign sis in. Okay to make fun of our mom, but Claire isn’t in control of her life as much as she needs to be. But you know what, the remedy for all of our pain may be at hand.
“Welcome ladies! I am delighted to see you as always.”
“Pastor Albion, my blushes.” Callie fired back, deliberately misinterpreting their youth leader’s sincere sentiments. Ignoring her, but gently, Albion shook Beth’s hand and then Claire’s. He had strong, large hands, but he had never laid them on anyone that Beth had ever heard of. He was unmarried as yet, though yes, there were a load of women in the church and out of it who would be quite willing. A ‘shitload’, was how her sister would have put it. ‘Maybe he’s just gay’ Claire once whispered to her in the pews at the very back of Sunday service. Anything was possible, Beth supposed as she seated herself. Hmm, a scant few present tonight, but it was a special edition after all. There was the famous Josh and his less-than-famous best bud, James. The hated Heather who, at seventeen, was the nominal leader when Albion was absent. She lorded it over them as if she were a decade older at least. Perhaps contrary to her recent reflection, Beth had sucker-punched her ‘below the stomach’, as the saying goes, just about a month ago. Heather was so stunned by this she hadn’t uttered another word to Beth since that moment. But she also hadn’t reported Callie’s ongoing behavior, er, misbehavior, to anyone either. Mission accomplished. Beth had never cared if she herself got into trouble over her sister, it was all about protecting her from same. A relatively impossible task thus far, but still, she’d made significant inroads. There was a time, about two years ago, when Callie was being... well, just forget it. I’m going to blot out those memories. Desperately riding my bike around town trying to find her after she’d run away from her still novel home. Tearfully trying to convince her to come back even though it meant hell to pay. But it was also then that they’d fallen in love. Well, sex first of course. So I’m proud of that time too. It’s funny how a real crisis can bring out something else that was even more real, something else that was waiting to happen, right into the world like some kind of latter-day miracle. Maybe I can do that again.
“The perils which face today’s youth are numerous and dangerous alike. But I know each of you has within them the strength to resist, and indeed, confront these challenges. Each of you has the spark of the divine within your breast.”
“Excuse me, Alby, but I just noticed, just right now, that James over there doesn’t have breasts.” You know who. Beth almost buried her face in her hands but Josh was laughing, as was Claire of course. Heather? That would be a not, equally of course.
“And like Josh does?” James tried to defend himself but that was a patent impossibility going up against Callie.
“Oh, sure he does, that’s why he’s so cute. Claire called my attention to that little fact out in the parking lot.” More reactions, this time more mixed.
“I use the term in the most general sense, Miss Callie, referring to one’s chest, wherein lies the human heart and thus all of its metaphorical passions and compassions alike.” Way to ride it out, Albion. I do like him. He’s a good guy, actually. My gods if I weren’t what I was and a little older to boot, I’d ask him out, for sure. He can’t be more than twenty-eight if he’s a day. If I were even ten years younger than him it would work, in our community. What am I saying, it would work anywhere. But I like the way I am. I’m not one of those girls who hates herself because she likes girls; that would be a sin in my mind.
“Sorry, you must have said ‘chest’. I misheard you because it rhymes with, well, these.” Callie wouldn’t let it go so easily, you had to kind of wean her off it each time, like a small child from the bottle, repeating the effort until that phase of life had been moved beyond. Fourteen was still smack in the middle of it though, and thus ‘smack’ was still very much an operative word.
“Now that really is funny.” Heather now, who didn’t lack a sense of humor. Her problem was that it was, like the rest of her, geared into mockery and sarcasm.
“Fuck you, you old bitch.” Ouch. Now Albion would have to step up more formally, but Beth suddenly had a better idea.
“I love small breasts, sis. Besides, it’s better for the back to have less weight in the front, right guys?”
“I wouldn’t know, but apparently Josh here does, my man?” James had finally scored a point but he was still trailing. That took the edge off a little. Albion sighed and took up a sheaf of papers in his hand. With one look, raised eyebrows and a sense of something akin to resignation on his face, the young people presently fell silent.
“Across the nation, as we speak, a new plague has arrived, clandestinely, occluded, occult even. Back-masking, it’s called, and the term is self-explanatory.”
“Um, what is oh clue…?”
“It just means ‘hidden’, big deal. Who’s seventeen again?” That was another thing. For better or worse, ex-foster girl was smarter than all of them, even the pastor. Well, mom said that you had to have your wits about you to survive all of that, so I get it. But on top of any of that, Heather had a knack for living up to the stereotype of her name, though how that particular name had become associated with being an airhead, Beth had no idea.
“Very good, Callie. So, back-masking is a technique secular people use to hide messages inside songs. This is one of the reasons why we must be careful about what we listen to. Some of the most popular musical groups of all time practice this, and it is likely one of the reasons for their popularity.”
“So like, ‘buy our albums’ might be one of the hidden messages then?” Josh now, eager to change the subject. Beth looked at him in the way young women looked at young men. Speaking of hiding something, this formulaic surreptitiousness gave Beth a pain some of the time. But for me, it’s more than just the usual. I’m hiding myself in pretending that I’m into boys. The beauty of it is that in this community, the way we’re growing up, I don’t have to chase boys at all and the less I do, the better I look. Clever, that. But what Josh just said makes me laugh.
“Yes! That could certainly be one message they are hiding, but that alone is merely advertising, and any brand or seller might try that on.” Albion was himself chuckling. But then his face turned more serious, if only for effect. “But what we need to pay attention to, indeed try to put a stop to, is the kind of message that turns people towards the dark side.” Now Callie struck up whistling the theme from the popular sci-fi movie series. Okay, speaking of cliché.
“It is like Star Wars, you moron. We have to take a stand. The ‘force’ that is with us is God’s force.” This from Heather, Beth acknowledged to herself, which just tells you why the church council appointed her as assistant youth leader. Where was everyone tonight, anyways?
“Look, I know this seems a tad out there compared to alcohol and sex, but it is a real thing. I myself have heard many of the records on this list I have here played backwards, and you do hear odd messages, messages that must be interpreted, as if they are coming out of the underworld.” Albion sought to push on.
“Yeah, things like ‘Oh Vishnu, I wish it would snow’. Like that’s deep, it is. I have no idea what in the fuck it could possibly mean. Our enemies must have some kind of like, the ‘dark force of poetry class’ on their side.” Callie added.
“Vishnu? What is that? Beth, your sister is being a complete jerk.” Beth didn’t even deign to respond to Heather’s latest indictment. There was no need to, because her sister had things well in hand, as she almost always did.
“He’s the Hindu god of preservation and salvation, dumbass. You need to get your head out of just one religion, and that not even but a small part of it.”
“Could we talk about sex and drugs instead of just rock and roll, please.” James now, looking hurt. Albion gave him a sympathetic glance.
“I listened to Led Zeppelin myself ten years ago. Who didn’t? Of course, they’re not the only ones. But that said, their guitar player has publicly declared he’s part of the occult, and he even bought the castle of the family into which the infamous Satanist, Crowley, was born. This guitar player actually lives there for part of the year.”
“Holy, what do you think he’s doing in there?’ Heather again.
“Girls about my age, that’s what. Hordes of them, all models. But as far as sex and drugs go, fellow pilgrims, if you don’t mix them, you’ll be fine.” Beth had to smother her face again, but the two guys didn’t bother. Even Albion flashed a smile for a moment at Callie’s latest equipage.
“Well, it doesn’t matter of course what this celebrity may or may not be doing, he is one man, after all. The real concern is that corporations, hailing as they do from the earthly, secular desire to dominate the world, are shilling their brands through the use of this clever ambuscade, taking the rest of us unawares. We need to get our own message out, and we need to do so with forthrightness and righteousness.”
“So, in other words, don’t hide it.” Josh now. Albion nodded with some vehemence. Beth was taken aback. Still, this is exactly what I’m looking for right about now. A way in which Callie can act out but for the cause. It doesn’t matter at all that she has no faith in it, I sure don’t. But it’s a great excuse for channeling energy into a mission that won’t get her into trouble. All in, then:
“I’m totally pumped about this. Where do we start? Should we like, set up outside record stores with placards, or do we go into the stores and start putting labels on the actual merchandise, things like that?” Or other things, for that matter.
“We have to at once show that we are standing up for what is right, but at the same time, let people know that there is a higher law than is Mankind’s.” Albion had begun the campaign, though Beth didn’t think he realized it at the time. “So yes, I have already been in communication with many other chapters of our youth ministry. We’re set to gather in the city of Tulsa this coming weekend. My close friend in Broken Arrow has sent me a list of targets, so to speak.”
“The ‘Death Star’ is mine, then.” Callie intoned, looking very serious. Then her face broke into that grin of hers, the one I can’t ever resist and will never resist, the one she has on her face when I strip off in front of her and she pounces on me like some small wiry leopardess. Maybe we can stay overnight in the city, in our own hotel room. A reward for all of our righteous work during the daylight hours. Vishnu? Okay, sure, why not? Callie did say preservation and salvation, right? Well, sometimes you had to save something by preserving it, and sometimes the opposite was true.
“We are going to go into various places as teams, and it’s also a competition, since you guys are young. We need to have some fun with this too, right? Points will be awarded for how many products you can identify that may have this back-masking technique being used not only to sell them, but also to further the secularists’ worldly messages.” Fun, that’s good. Albion, you’re a real peach, you are.
“So, look guys, we need to think ahead of time, like starting now, what other versions of this technique might be being employed. Songs are one thing, but music can’t by itself move their message, especially if you have to spin your turntable backwards in order to even hear them.” James again, trying to be reasonable.
“But isn’t there something called a subliminal effect? Like, it gets you without you knowing it’s even there?” This from his buddy, Josh, who, though he was super-cute, wasn’t the brightest bulb in the room. Not that he was as dumb as was Heather, not even close.
“Yes, that’s exactly right. We will have to rely upon other’s research - hmm, well, perhaps you yourselves have done some of this studying up, so to speak – to target their music. But let’s brain storm for the moment.”
“I saw, well, at this other guy’s place, that ELO and Black Sabbath were now on the same record label. That’s got to mean something, right, since they both use back-masking. Maybe a group of music producers or record engineers are in on this. Pink Floyd too.” James again, who, unbeknownst to any adult at church at least, had a massive LP collection hidden, to use the word of the day, up in his grandparent’s attic. Those two were old hippies, very old. Maybe even before hippies. Either way, Beth and the others had listened, once again, behind closed doors, to much of what passed for the popular music of the period. She didn’t think much of all of it, but one thing was certain, it all sounded better played forwards.
“Good, good. But let’s think about techniques that any company could use, no matter what they were selling.” Albion persisted. This was sound advice, though, Beth noted to herself. By now her sister would be off in her own world, as she always was after too long of a sojourn in the one she was forced to share with the rest of them. I guess that’s what it’s like being smart. Holy, I have to sweat to make ‘A’s, the times I do. At least our parents never punished us for failing the odd exam, unlike some other people’s.
“Okay, how about this idea: if doing stuff backwards has a subliminal effect, then words, when spelled backwards, would become other words, like bad words, you know what I mean?” Beth tried this out.
“Okay, like ‘live’, as in to exist, and ‘live’ as in ‘I saw Ozzy live on TV last week’, those two words are spelled the same but things look pretty bad for them.” Callie rattled this off. Beth knew that her sister had watched that utterly forbidden entertainer just last week, but probably no non-family adult would believe her. What nerve she has, even so. But this reflection had sidetracked Beth and now it was she who was behind.
“Holy, ‘live’ spelled backwards is nothing less than ‘evil’!” Josh now. Beth felt a strange tingling up and down her spine, not at all like the one Callie’s tongue gave her. Something was up. What to do about it then? But James was sneering:
“The very band you just mentioned has a concert album called ‘Live Evil’, so it’s like, that’s not hiding anything.”
“You’re absolutely right, Mr. James. Besides, Miles Davis did it first.” Albion put that in with a wink, then, “No, we have to try to identify and target products and their makers who are deliberately pulling the wool over our eyes. Ozzy, though certainly a public menace, is equally certainly not that kind of target. He is, if anything, so over the top I myself find it hard to take him seriously as a threat, to be honest.”
“That’s big of you.” James responded with a real gratitude.
“Okay, so how about this? We look for products that have names that aren’t real words. I think that would be a clue; like, a fake word, spelled forwards, is like a brand name, but it’s been artificially made into a word precisely because the real spelling is in fact backwards.” Beth was proud of herself at this point. Albion was giving her a nod of admiration now. Hah, we’ve got this. Say goodbye to my sister’s ‘bad girl’ status.
“So, what would be an example of that?”
“Um, well, sis?”
“What? Oh yeah, well, that stupid pill you take after you’ve eaten too much chili, what is it called again, ‘tee you em ess’? Get it?”
“Tee you em ess. Huh. I don’t get…” Heather tried it on.
“Holy shit, backwards it spells ‘smut’!” James now clued in. Albion was continuing to nod.
“Wow, that’s very good. Huh, for sure, that could be one.”
“Are pharmacies on the shit list?” Callie again, looking bored. Albion surprised her by responding in all seriousness.
“No, but I’m going to phone my friend right away and let him know we’ve made another possible discovery.”
“Better take out the whole town then, if we’re going that route.” Callie then suggested, but the rest of us were momentarily in the dark, as always.
“No way! I love Tulsa. My grandparents, both sets, live in old-folks homes there. Hey, and what about the jamborees?” Heather looked genuinely perplexed. Beth knew that her little sister was just playing along. Me? Sure, it’s a game, of sorts, but I have a real stake in it. Little did we know what it was about to lead to.
“I don’t follow, Miss Callie? Many of our brethren live in the city. Several large churches of the righteous congregate there.”
“They’re deluding themselves then. Or maybe… maybe they’re a part of it too. Alby, you have to consider it, given my beloved sister’s discovery here. Just spell Tulsa backwards and see what you get. It’s the modern Babylon, it is.”
“Hmm, so eh, ess, ell, you, tee. Aslut. No, a slut. Oh my god!” Heather had now caught herself up. And when that happened, every time it happened, Albion would be immediately on board. Was there something going on with the two of them, now? Sixteen was the age of consent, so it wouldn’t be illegal. But still, a scandal for sure. Beth looked at them both now, smiling at each other with a natural ease. Heather is so dumb that the overwhelming feeling I have for her is sorrow.
“This is far bigger than I thought. Listen, team, there will be those even in the police and military who will come to our aid. But we need to get seriously organized here. I’ll phone each of your homes in the next two days with instructions, but the six of you will be deployed together, with me as the team lead. We’ve done this kind of action before now, and as long as you’re under eighteen and associated with a church, you won’t be charged with anything. I’ll decoy any adult who is present, but we will choose our targets with all due care and let the big churches start the big stuff up, okay guys?” General agreement. Beth took a deep breath. Looking around, James was resigned, Josh looked genuinely intrigued, Heather disturbed, poor dear Claire amazed, and my beloved lover and sibling both, well, she had a scheming look on her face that didn’t bode well for whoever and whatever was going to find itself within our godly cross-hairs come this Saturday. What fun. No, really, this is going to be a fuck of a lot of fun, perhaps the most I’ve ever had, well, at least in public. Callie, I hear your call, girl. Tulsa the latter-day whore of Babylon, a true study in scarlet, who’d have thought it? And I chew on those now infamous antacids all the time, they’re like mints, they are. Doc said to go easy on them because too much calcium build-up in the body might give one gall stones. Ugh, now that would be painful, far worse than dad’s belt, because it’s like, inside you. There’s good inside everyone, Albion tells us. The bad has to find its own way in there, against the tide, as it were. Fine then, I know sis is good, mostly, she is. She’s good with me and for me. I can’t believe she was lost for ten whole years, in foster homes one after another. But if we had been real sisters our greater love for one another would never have occurred. Now it was time to share that greater love with the world, time to save it like Vishnu did and for all I know, still does.
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“There’s only one staffer in there. I’ll take her out.” Albion nodded this to Beth and James. Sure thing, you’re the adult. I don’t want to get into a fight, though I guess I could handle myself okay. Like I said, I have muscles. But Callie would be spoiling for one. With whom though? She would never knock down a secularist because she, in her heart of hearts, was one herself. So was I, for that matter. No, our whole point was to make ourselves look good so everything that meant anything to us would continue as it was and we could finally grow up.
“Meet you in the stomach remedies section!” Heather hissed over. That made Callie cough, perhaps appropriately. ‘Dumbass, total dumbass’, my sister muttered under her breath. I myself barely heard her, but whatever. Still, those antacids were going down. I would empty them onto the floor of the place, jars and jars of them, and then crush them into an unusable powder with my glamorous comma heels. Well, just kidding. I wore sneakers, of course. Just in case we have to run like hell.
“Hey, um, can I help you?” The poor young woman was the perfect target. Albion, contrary to what the church elders might have thought, had no problem chatting her up. Soon enough the two of them were deeply involved in some charming conversation or other. Now was the time.
“Condoms are evil just spelled forwards.” Heather declared. Callie gave her a look as the older girl opened up a huge trash bag and started caving in the display. The plan was to gather downtown and start a giant bonfire of all the vanities with which secular society had adorned itself. But my sister had other ideas. I saw her steal over to the section where they sold candles. Sure, every drug store sold them in copious amounts, copacetic in their display, shilled as coping devices or very mild aphrodisiacs, prophylactic kindred to the commodity Heather was by now almost finished with. James and Josh were about to turn in an early tandem effort back in the storage area of the store. But none of the rest of us knew this at that moment. The mood was a mix of nervous tension and anticipation, but most of all, merriment and mischief ruled the day. I made good on my silent plan and soon enough the linoleum was covered in green powder, white powder, orange powder, and even pink. I liked all the flavors of antacid but mint was definitely my favorite. From now on, I guess, I’ll have to pick some other brand. Probably won’t taste as good because the marque of infamy was the industry leader. For the tummy, it reminded consumers. Well, duh. That is just retarded, that is. Hey, that might be a clue as well; the more stupid the jingle, the more likely it was contrived – since it was so stupid – to actually be holding out a hidden message! It was like crossword puzzles. You had to think up the puzzle words and how they fit together first, and only afterwards dream up the clues, which was why some clues seemed so abstruse and sure, even ‘occlusive’. Okay, docket that inspiration and share it with the others in between targets. Oh, uh, hmm…
“Are you sure this is such a good idea?”
“Look, Heather, you’re a babe and I know Alby and you are fucking each other’s lights out, like I care. But this whole city has to come down. We might as well start here. What do you think our rival teams are doing? Collecting condoms? Oh, better save a few boxes for you and your beau I guess, huh?” I had almost finished crushing the life out of the antacid aisle when two things happened. Heather’s face turned bright red and there was a loud explosion from somewhere in the back. The pharmacist’s assistant shrieked and threw herself into Albion’s arms. He then proceeded to quite literally carry her out the door, with Heather now giving him a real glare. Okay, we’re good to get serious here.
“Here, splash this on the displays and then I’ll light ’em up.” My eyes grew wider as my sister began to douse anything and everything with rubbing alcohol. That was going to be a slow burn, but we were just girls, after all. Then she fired up the automatic lighter she’d evidently found beside the candles, and an appreciable blue flame started burning its surroundings. In the meantime, a veritable potpourri of seductive scents had inveigled my nostrils. I swung around into the next aisle and found that Callie had already the time to light many of the candles up. They were burning, slowly but surely, into the stationery and cards displayed in the same sections. Great job, sis!
“I’ve got this too.” Abruptly, Josh was with us once again, carrying away the fire extinguisher. I looked a serious question at him. “Jimmy went out the back. He noticed a fire hydrant back there and he was going to break into a truck and run it over so it couldn’t be used.” Fantastic. The Lord Himself must be inspiring us, I thought at that moment. Or one of His incarnations, at least. Salvation, for sure. Some things couldn’t be saved, and some things shouldn’t be. Maybe some people as well. But I was not about to go that far. That others apparently later did was mercifully beyond our team’s ken, and so it managed to stay that way, and most shockingly, in spite of not Callie, but rather my best friend.
“Things are getting pretty smoky in here.” Josh prompted. We exited just in time, though Callie went the other way and somehow managed to avoid the much larger fire the boys had started in the storage area. As soon as we had attained the parking lot, however, I saw that Claire had taken the crowbar Albion had put in his vehicle’s trunk to the driver’s side window of a large pick-up and was now inside. Someone’s purse was laying in the lot, its contents strewn about. Oh my god.
“You do like her, don’t you?” I said this to Josh now.
“Oh, fuck yes, who wouldn’t. She’s hot.”
“Well, help her out then, you romantic, you.” Josh was instantly streaking across the lot, and I only now saw his newly defined target. Albion and the assistant were nowhere in sight, and I could tell Heather was rattled far more by this than anything else that was transpiring all round us. Was that another team in the distance, down at the strip mall? Sure it was. Holy, they’d definitely gotten into the swing of things. The fast-food joint’s tall advertising pole and sign had been toppled right into the front entrance of the restaurant. Hmmph, we’d better get serious or we would lose the points race for sure. But now Josh had flattened an unsuspecting older fellow whose wife had lost the very purse I had just mentioned. He fell with a thud that I thought I could even feel through the pavement, though that was ridiculous. Now he was behind the wheel, no, check that, Claire was. She’s smiling at him, and ah, holy gods, now they’re kissing each other! They really are. I love it, just love it. Okay, there’s my beloved bad girl over there. Oh, don’t do that, sis, please, maybe not, hey…?
“Wow, your sister’s got some nerve, huh?” Heather now, who’s attention had shifted back to the store front. Callie had, presumably originally with James’ help, dragged a sizable propane canister from who knows where up to where the gas station had their much larger tank. She had opened the valve on the portable container, put something else down on top of it, and then ran like I’d never seen her run before. James had gotten back into the truck he’d obviously stolen from behind the mall and was tearing off in another direction entirely. Oh, I get it. He’s blocking the access road so the police and fire crews can’t get in so easily. Gods, we are a good team, just fucking brilliant, we are.
“Hey, get down!” Callie nigh on screamed it out at the two of us. Heather hesitated and I ended up dragging her to ground with both arms, the two of us falling in a heap on top of one another behind some large station wagon. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the collision between the tall panes of glass that beckoned people to peer into the pharmacy, lighting its entire interior with sunshine - in the same way that God lit our inner selves so that we too could peer into our very souls - and the truck Claire was piloting. I didn’t even know she could drive. Probably can’t but no matter. It did the job and then some. I say I witnessed it because I didn’t actually hear the collision. This was due to the simple fact that there had been a large report over to our left, that startled Heather and I and hurt our ears for a moment. Then Callie had dove beneath the vehicle behind the one we were using as a makeshift shelter. I guess it was a good thing we were at the mall so early after it had first opened, for the next thing I knew was that I was deaf. The world revolved slowly round. Even seated as I was, the dizziness spun me like a top. But it didn’t last. Then, as my ears slowly recovered, I grabbed Heather, whose whole body was shaking like a drying leaf on an autumn tree.
“Callie!”
“I’m right here sis. Pretty good, huh?” The fireball had shot up into the air like a minor apocalypse. Black smoke everywhere now, and in the distance, I heard sirens for the first time. The rest of the day would see this kind of thing occurring all over the city. And the days would turn into weeks.
“What in the fuck did you do?” Heather now, cursing in the only way she knew how, with others her own age, in a crisis, regressed in both age and status by the way of the world.
“Nothing much. I left the candle lighter thingy on top of the smaller open tank, that’s all. That’s how H-bombs work, by the way. A smaller device is set off, like an atom bomb, and that in turn initiates the thermonuclear process so small gets big very quickly.” Trust sis to know something like that. It made me shiver, the thought of it. But we had our own modest version thereof to take pride in. Half the lot was aflame now, vehicles, the restaurant, and better yet, the very gas station of which the larger tank had once been a part.
“We need to get out of here, now.” I declared. Callie nodded her agreement. I had parked way out of the way, and we ran pell-mell in that direction.
“Is everyone accounted for?” Callie panted out beside me.
“I think so. Josh and Claire are over there, looks like they’re ‘hiring’ another car, hah!”
“Yeah, and James is already at your car.” So he was. After positioning the blockade he had leapt out of the huge truck just as the first police cruiser had arrived. The other team we had seen at a distance looked like they had regrouped. Now someone over there was waving a white flag at us. Two white flags, in fact.
“Isn’t that…?” Sure, they’d communicated the retreat signal but also an acknowledgement that we’d won this contest. In fact, I later learned that we had carried the first day’s prize with ease. It was a good feeling, to be fighting for the light and also having daring fun at the same time. It was like having sex with Callie. Nothing felt more right, and yet, from within our community at least, nothing could be more daring, or presumably, very little. But soon enough we young people were to be sidelined in the wider fight, reduced to petty acts of vandalism. It had gotten too big and too serious for us to be taken to its front lines. Still, it was fun while it lasted, and looking back at it now I’m in college, we’d had an effect across the country. Labels on music, no further evidence of back-masking by more recent bands, corporations assuring their markets that they would be adjusting how they advertised their wares and what they called them, just so no one would accuse them of trying something on that they fervently claimed they had never done. As well, some commentators had come out and said that we represented the very best of our nation’s traditions, fighting a guerrilla style war against the evil symbolic regime of an ‘anonymous culture’, whatever that was supposed to mean. More understandable was when they compared us to the heroic figures of our collective past. We were like George Washington, true rebels, true patriots. That too felt good, but now, two years and more afterwards, that month of Sundays when the World itself stopped and witnessed its most intelligent animals fight themselves to a further stand-still, lost in my studies and in my sister alike, it was, at the end of the day, just like any other youthful memory, as I already said; fun while it lasted, but it’s time to move on.
“So how long has it been, sis?”
“Oh, ten months now. Don’t laugh, okay?”
“Why would I do that? It’s awesome. Gods, even Claire hasn’t gotten it in like, forever. We did it, sis. You and me.”
“Yeah, and guess what, Josh and your bestie are engaged.” Holy shit, I had no idea! Good for them. Really, seriously, good for them. I looked into Callie’s face and we kissed one another lovingly.
“I love you, sis.”
“I love you too. I can’t wait to join you on campus.”
“Well, you’re basically living with me now, so…”
“Huh, I guess so. It was a stroke of genius that you convinced mom and dad to buy a place closer to the university.”
“And one with a basement suite, separate entrance. Best of both worlds.” It really was. There had been no questions about Callie hanging out with her older sister in said sister’s own space, sleeping in her own bed upstairs some of time, but hardly all of the time. Normal, natural, to be expected, convenient. I think our parents’ lives have gotten a lot easier since the two of us basically became self-sufficient. There were stretches of days and days when I didn’t even see them, let alone spend time with them. Increasingly, it was the same for Callie as well. And on top of all that, no more church, at least for us. The adult pastor had been arrested, though the charges were modest, and the whole operation had been shut down. Albion had simply vanished along with the pharmacy assistant, which had caused poor Heather some heartache but now she was well into college herself, her being dumped having brought her brain on line for the first time. Good for her too. I held my sister close to me and we ended up asleep. In the vision of our shared dream, I saw her winningly wicked grin flashing at me from on high, higher than all the clouds, as if she had at last attained the truer divinity that my heart had already pronounced upon her…
Editor’s note: We hope you have enjoyed, and as well, been enlightened by, our staff writer’s accounting of the drama that was. One last caveat; no character in this story was rendered out of one single historical person that our research has revealed existed and was acting at the time of the events recounted. That said, we are confident that the imagination of our writer and you, our readers, will be sufficient to have placed your sensibilities close enough to what we can never know, and thus you will have experienced the wider, and inevitable, human condition that all of us share with regard to biography, memory, and history alike.